PhD Journey: Somewhere Between ANOVA and Amen

Somewhere between entering data values and running an ANOVA, I realized SPSS may be doing more than testing variables. It may be testing me. Let me first start out by clarifying that I don’t expect you to know exactly what SPSS is or how to run an ANOVA. If you are anywhere close to where I was before I started my PhD, you have absolutely no idea what I am talking about, and that is the point.

Earning a doctorate degree is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination. Doctoral degrees can sound confusing at first because they all carry the title “doctor,” but they do not all serve the same purpose. I don’t know how many times I have had to clarify that I am not earning a medical degree. Some doctorates, like the Ph.D., are centered more on research, writing, teaching, and contributing new knowledge to a particular field. Other doctorates are more professional in nature, which means they are designed to help someone apply advanced knowledge in a specific area of work. For example, an Ed.D. is common in education, specifically in educational leadership; a Psy.D. is focused more on the practice of psychology; a DMin is connected to ministry; a DBA is used in business leadership; and a DNP is for advanced nursing practice. There are also doctorates, such as the M.D., J.D., Pharm.D., and DPT, that prepare people for licensed professions in medicine, law, pharmacy, and physical therapy. So, the easiest way to understand doctoral degrees is to think of them in two broad categories: some are built around researching and creating new knowledge, while others are built around using advanced knowledge in a professional setting. A Ph.D. is heavily research-based, which brings me to the point I want to make in this part of my journey.

Anytime anyone mentions a PhD, the research part sounds impressive from a distance. There is something about the word “research” that feels polished when it is mentioned in the academic world. It sounds like libraries, journal articles, highlighted paragraphs, good coffee, and the deep satisfaction of contributing something meaningful to your field. It sounds noble. It sounds really good on a college campus. It sounds like the kind of thing a person says when they want to appear far more mentally stable than they actually are during doctoral coursework. At least that has been my experience so far.

Something changes when you step across the threshold of earning your graduate degree into a postgraduate program. My entire understanding of academic language changed. I started to realize just how intimidating it can be to take on the task of becoming a thought leader in my area of research. If you do not speak the language every day before you become a PhD student, you might experience what is better known as, imposter syndrome. The thought of “what am I doing here?”

All of a sudden, everything becomes about variables and measurements. Research is not even considered research without ethical consideration. It becomes about trying to remember the differences among descriptive, correlational, quasi-experimental, and experimental research while also wondering why every statistical term sounds like it was invented by someone with a personal grudge against confidence. I have to be completely honest with you, there are some days when I feel absolutely lost in what I am doing. Then SPSS enters the conversation, and everything gets even more exciting (sarcastically speaking).

For anyone unfamiliar with SPSS, it is a statistical software program used to organize and analyze data. That explanation sounds simple enough until you open it for the first time and realize there is a Data View, a Variable View, value labels, measure types, output tables, significance values, and enough menu options to make you question whether you are pursuing a PhD or accidentally trying to launch a NASA satellite. Also, if you are not good at guessing which pictures mean what, then you will get really good at hovering the cursor over the icon to wait for it to tell you what it means, because most of the time, it will not be what you think it should be. I remember looking at it and thinking, “Surely, somewhere, there is a button that says ‘please make this make sense.’” There was not. Apparently, that button does not exist.

The first time I realized that every feeling of inadequacy and intimidation was real happened the first time I opened that program to begin working through statistical data. I already knew doctoral work would be difficult. Nobody walks into a PhD program assuming it will feel like a casual hobby with discussion boards. But knowing something will be challenging and sitting in front of the actual challenge are two very different experiences. Research methods and statistics are the point where you step from thinking you want this degree to actually proving that you do.

I don’t think this just applies to me, someone who would rather write my own book from start to finish than do any statistical calculations using mathematics. I know from speaking with other students that we all have this same feeling at one level or another. Part of earning this kind of degree involves being hands-on with the area of research that you are most interested in. You don’t just talk about it and see what others have to say; you have to design your own. You have to understand how knowledge is produced. You have to ask questions that can actually be studied. You have to interpret data with enough humility to say what the evidence supports and enough restraint to avoid saying what it does not. That can feel overwhelming. It is overwhelming. It is not for the weak.

The first thing that you must know and understand is that feeling out of place or completely lost is perfectly normal. Even though you may have developed a strong sense of confidence throughout your other degrees, feeling intimidated during a process like this is not uncommon. Intimidation often shows up when we are stepping into something meaningful before we know how to navigate it. That is the difference; you will not navigate this degree like you have all of the others. The unfamiliar can feel larger than it really is because we are encountering it all at once. The language is unfamiliar, often making you feel like you missed a course somewhere along the way. The software is unfamiliar. The expectations are unfamiliar. Even the way of thinking feels new. The good news is that intimidation does not mean that we are not capable; it means we are on the edge of learning something new.

That perspective has helped me think differently about PSYC 510 and PSYC 515. In my PhD in Psychology: Theology program, these courses come early in the degree plan for a reason. PSYC 510, Research Methods and Statistics in Psychology I, appears in the first semester. PSYC 515, Research Methods and Statistics in Psychology II, follows in the second. At least that is how I would recommend that you take them. You have to remember that research is a foundational part of earning a PhD. Before students can move toward advanced research, a prospectus, and eventually a dissertation, they need to understand the language and logic of research itself. Do not let these courses stop you from proceeding with your degree. Take them slow, and be sure to allow yourself enough time to sit with the material long enough to understand what it means. If you plan on flying through them, it will catch up with you later.

It can help to look at research methods as the grammar of the PhD. That analogy is how I best understand the importance of learning as much as I possibly can during the early stages of this process. We have to know the language well enough that we can communicate what we are passionate about in an effective way. You can have something meaningful to say, but structure helps you say it clearly. Otherwise, all you have is word salad, and I don’t prefer word salad.

This is a reminder for those who are not pursuing a PhD that I am writing these for my own reflection and those who may read them as a helpful tool one day. If you find this to be quite boring, I do have several other, far more interesting blogs that you may find more appealing. However, if you have made it this far, you have endurance, and I encourage you to keep going. You won’t earn a PhD for it, but you might learn something new.

The first course, PSYC 510, begins by introducing the basic architecture of psychological research. This will be the foundational structure for all the lingo you probably do not use on a daily basis. It teaches how research is built, how statistical thinking supports interpretation, and how ethics belongs inside the process from the beginning. It also introduces us to a program that is both expensive and exceptional, all at the same time. SPSS (Statistical Package for Social Sciences) is used for data analysis. At first, all of this can feel like a lot because it is a lot. You are learning terminology, design types, statistical concepts, and the discipline of asking questions with precision. You are also learning how to make sure you do not put the wrong number on line 276 when you are putting in data for over 300 participants in the study. That will throw a bell curve quick.

Note to self. Do not overlook the importance of paying attention to all of the details in the research methods course. This is not a course where you just want to focus on getting to the end. Research methods train you to move more slowly than your assumptions want to move. Most of us are used to seeing a pattern and quickly forming an explanation. We notice two things that seem related, and before long, we have built an entire conclusion in our heads. We all do that until we take this course. Research methods interrupt that habit. This is the course that will start to teach you how to ask what kind of design is being used in the study or how it was measured. This course is where you begin forming the habits to look at the different variables and ask whether the study can support a causal claim or not. This course will humble you, especially for those of us who enjoy being right. I will let you decide whether I have any personal experience with that.

One of the most important lessons in PSYC 510 is learning that interest alone does not make something research. This was a huge realization for me. A topic may matter deeply. Lord knows I can get very passionate about something. It may connect to faith, calling, ministry, family, culture, or real human pain. But research asks us to do something more disciplined with that concern. It asks us to define what we mean. It asks us to examine what has already been studied. It asks us to think about how a question could be measured or explored. I quickly realized that just because I was interested in it did not mean that I understood how to engage with the topic in an academically engaging way.

That is where research methods begin pressing important questions. I knew that I wanted to focus on neuroplasticity and how we live in an age of distracted discipleship, but I had to ask myself what I meant by digital distraction. I had to start asking some of the questions that I had not considered before. What do I mean by attention? Am I studying attentional control, social media habits, smartphone presence, spiritual well-being, identity coherence, or some other construct? Who am I studying? How would I measure those variables? What kind of design fits the question? What can the data actually show? These are the questions that move a topic from something interesting into something researchable. I started to realize just how much work sits underneath every scholarly claim. A statement that looks simple in a journal article may represent months or years of reading, designing, measuring, analyzing, revising, and interpreting.

LEARN THIS NOW: Good research is rarely rushed. It takes patience. It requires humility. It asks the researcher to become comfortable with the process.

Like any beautiful home, it cannot stand without a good foundation. Paying attention and getting all you can out of PSYC 510 will be really helpful when you begin PSYC 515. Research Methods and Statistics in Psychology II moves further into the methodology and statistical techniques. It is almost as if you are being tricked into believing that you have mastered the language in the first course, just to turn around and learn the same language again, but far more complex. This is the course where you begin thinking actively about designing, conducting, analyzing, and presenting research. I would describe this course as putting the language into practice. You know, that awkward feeling you get when you understand how to say three words very well in another language, and then you travel to another country and feel awkwardly out of place, only recognizing every 18th word someone else says? That is PSYC 515. In this course, you get to actually design some of the tools that you will use during your own research process. You begin thinking about surveys, measurement, validity, data analysis, and APA presentation in a more applied way. The course helps students begin to step into the role of a researcher.

Let’s take a moment to sit with a phrase: produce research responsibly. It is one thing to read research. It is another thing to contribute to it. Reading a study requires understanding what the researchers did and what they found. Producing research requires making the decisions that shape what can be found in the first place. The research question affects the design. The design affects the data. The data affect the analysis. The analysis affects the interpretation. By the time SPSS produces an output table, several important choices have already been made.

When you are working in research, using a complex tool like SPSS is only part of the process. SPSS makes it possible to calculate and analyze research data for those of us who would quit if we had to do it all by hand. Even though the software can run the analysis, it cannot think for the researcher. It will not tell me whether my question was clear. It will not tell me whether I selected the best design. It will not warn me that my interpretation has wandered beyond what the results can support. SPSS can calculate, but the researcher still has to understand. I would caution anyone against attempting to earn a PhD if thinking is foreign to them.

My next piece of good advice is not to rent your textbook or skip it altogether. You will need the textbook for this course, I promise you. These particular courses use the Adams and McGuire textbook and workbook on research methods and statistics. The textbook helps explain the concepts pretty well, and if you are like me, then you might appreciate having it explained over and over again. One thing that I do appreciate about this set is that the workbook corresponds with the textbook, and it helps to put into practice what you are learning in each chapter. It also does a great job of connecting the material with SPSS.

These two courses will give you an opportunity to approach research with a new mindset. Instead of treating research methods and statistics like proof that I am behind, I am learning to treat them as training. These courses are building something in me. They are teaching me to ask better questions and respect the evidence. They are teaching me to slow down before interpreting and that confidence and accuracy belong together.

In my opinion, not to make it super spiritual, but everything preaches. This might sound a bit odd at first, but just take a moment to think about it. In research, we often find that vagueness creates problems, and being thorough is necessary. More importantly, research is viewed as a whole process. If you do not know what you are studying, you will struggle to measure it, and if you do not know how to communicate it well, you will fall short in sharing your results. If you do not know what you are studying, you will struggle to measure it. If you cannot measure it well, you will struggle to interpret what changed. If you overstate your findings, you may sound confident while saying more than the evidence allows. Discipleship can fall into a similar pattern.

In church life, we often use large spiritual words with deep meaning. We talk about growth, maturity, transformation, calling, healing, surrender, and faithfulness. I care about those words. I believe in those words. But I also think we can use them so broadly that they begin to lose their shape, and even worse, become profoundly misunderstood. We say someone is growing spiritually, but we do not always ask what we mean. We say a ministry is fruitful, but we may be looking mostly at activity, while missing what fruit really is. We say people are being formed, but we may need to ask what kind of formation is actually taking place.

Placing research and discipleship in the same sentence is not common. Yet careful observation belongs in discipleship just as much as in meaningful research. That does not mean spiritual formation can be reduced to data. Don’t misunderstand the concept. The Holy Spirit is not trapped inside an output table, and sanctification does not fit neatly into Variable View. But Scripture does teach us to pay attention to fruit. Jesus said a tree is known by its fruit. Paul described the fruit of the Spirit in concrete terms. Love is visible. Patience becomes visible. Self-control eventually shows up in real decisions. Faithfulness can be seen over time.

If we look at SPSS, I don’t think it is worth writing a sermon about, but I do believe we can learn something from it. Using SPSS forces me to define what I mean. It requires me to identify what is being measured. It asks me to examine whether the evidence supports the conclusion. Where is that same mandate for the church? Do we not expect anyone to define what they mean anymore? Are we willing to continue listening to the same shallow sermons without expecting clarity? Discipleship deserves the same level of attentiveness that research demands. When I say someone is becoming more like Christ, what am I noticing? Is there deeper patience with difficult people? Is there a growing honesty before God? Is there a softer response to correction? Is there a greater ability to remain faithful when no one is applauding? Is the person becoming more loving in the places where love costs something? We cannot simply take cliché church phrases and plug them in to sound spiritual and call it discipleship. It’s disappointing.

Discipleship requires depth. Without asking these kinds of questions, we can confuse activity with maturity. We will begin to associate a full calendar with faithfulness. A platform will look like fruit. Strong Bible knowledge can become the only defining measure for wisdom. Religious busyness can look impressive while the inner life remains hurried, defensive, or unformed. I say this with caution because I am not only observing this in other people. I am being invited to examine it in myself.

This may be the part of the PhD journey I did not fully expect. I knew doctoral work would teach me information. I knew it would stretch my thinking. I knew research methods and statistics would challenge me, especially since math is not my favorite subject. However, I did not realize how often the coursework would become a mirror. Learning to interpret research carefully has made me think about how I interpret my own life. Learning to define variables has made me think about how often I use spiritual language without slowing down to define what I mean. Learning to avoid overclaiming has made me think about the places where confidence can run ahead of formation. The truth is that there is a spiritual discipline hidden inside careful thinking.

True discipleship is a process. Good research requires understanding the process. You cannot simply make the data say what you want. You cannot skip the method because the conclusion feels meaningful. You cannot treat assumptions as findings. You have to let the work refine the claim. That kind of discipline belongs in scholarship, but it also belongs in the life of faith. We need the humility to let God examine what is actually being formed in us. Passion can open the door, but discipline teaches you how to walk through it well.

So, for anyone who feels intimidated by the process of starting a PhD or by navigating research, statistics, SPSS, or even the prospect of conducting original research someday, I understand. I really do. It can feel like a lot at first because it is new and important, but it is not impossible. Research is learnable. The process becomes less overwhelming when you stop staring at the entire mountain and start taking the next step in front of you.

That is where I am right now. Somewhere between ANOVA and Amen, taking one step at a time. Somewhere between the textbook and the prayer whispered under my breath. Somewhere between the data file and the deeper work God is doing in me through the process.

I came into this PhD because I care about psychology, theology, spiritual formation, attention, and identity. I started this journey because I am passionate about education and teaching the next generation of scholars with academic honesty and integrity.

I am learning along the way that God can use the parts of the journey that make us feel unsure. He can use the classes that stretch us, the assignments that humble us, and even the software programs that seem to possess no evidence of compassion. He can use the process to form the person, not just the scholar.

So I am learning to keep going. I am learning to open SPSS without assuming it has declared war on me personally. I am learning to let research methods do their work. I am learning that clarity can be a spiritual discipline and that good questions matter because people matter. I am learning that before I can contribute well, I have to be trained well.

Somewhere between ANOVA and Amen, God is forming more than my research skills; He is forming the researcher.