Velcro Shoes & Yellow Tractors

11,322 days later and counting… Yesterday I celebrated my 31st birthday, and as I look back on the past thirty years, my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude and such joy! My life has been filled with growth, change, challenge, mercy and grace—and through it all, I’ve seen the hand of God shaping my story in ways I never imagined. He has kept me and protected me. His love has remained constant. I’ve had experiences that I’ll never forget and met people that have made a profound impact on me. I’ve tried to learn as much as I can, read a good book when time has allowed, done my best academically, keep my house clean, take a nap on Sundays, make good decisions and haven’t always gotten everything right. There are things I’ve never learned how to do and places I’ve never been to, but more importantly I still have the desire to learn and the love for adventure. I am not the same person today as I was in this first picture. The days were much more simple when I was driving across the yard on my little yellow battery powered tractor. I’ve upgraded from those Velcro strap shoes but more importantly I’ve never forgotten about them. I’ve discovered that the journey across the yard that I took many times was just a foreshadowing of the journey God would have planned for me. I didn’t know much about writing letters and words then, but as I sit here today I have pages and pages of books down in my heart that desire to be written. I had no idea what it would be like to sit down behind a piano and hear the music in my heart before it resonated in my ear, I was doing good to zip my jacket, and yet somehow God saw it necessary for my family and I to lead worship together. As I look at this picture of my dad and I, I can’t help but notice my hands holding onto the steering wheel as if I were the only one qualified to drive that little tractor. I never for one moment considered that those hands would be used to create worship music unto God, I only knew to use those hands to communicate sign language to my dad and tighten those Velcro straps on my shoes. It is from this point forward in my life that I would have to learn how to surrender my direction. It is from this point that I would have to learn that I have never been the one driving in the first place. The boy in the first picture hasn’t considered the view from the second picture. He doesn’t realize all that is out there and the bigger plans that are waiting for him. He hasn’t considered what the first little yellow tractor is getting Him ready for. He just has to learn to be willing to let go of the wheel and trust in the plan that God has for him every single step of the way.

Eighteen of my 31 years of living have been spent serving in ministry in some way. It’s been one of the greatest honors of my life to serve God with everything I have. From my earliest steps in leadership to the many lessons learned in the moments of real-life ministry, I have been challenged in the best of ways that have only given me opportunities to grow. It hasn’t always been easy—there have been seasons of loss, moments of discouragement, and times when the path ahead felt uncertain. There have been times where I’d give anything to go back to riding around the yard on my little yellow tractor or taking one more Summer night to play a round of monopoly as if there was nothing else that mattered. Life hasn’t always been that simple. In fact most days it has found itself turning the corner of complicated. I’ve had moments where I’ve known exactly what God wanted me to do and other times where I questioned everything. There have been times when I’ve felt as though I could not imagine anything else other than the present moment and other times where I could not wait for the season to change. I’ve been challenged in what I thought was right. I’ve had to learn new things and unlearn old things. I’ve spent more hours than I can count at church but not ever having a relationship with the creator. Church has become less about the place and more about the experience for me today. My life has learned to embrace people differently because of it. I’ve found true friends, and I’ve lost fake ones. I have had prayers answered in ways I never thought possible and there are still things I am seeking His direction on. Yet in all of this, the thing I am most thankful for is that I have come to learn who God is as my creator and my everything. I’ve stepped away from fake church and learned how to be who I am, rather it’s popular or not. I’ve come to accept that His love isn’t based on if I got everything right today. I’ve stopped living up to unnecessary expectations as a way for someone else to measure how righteous i am and I’ve come to know that through His gift and love, I’ve been made the righteousness of God and I choose to live that way from now on.

One of the hardest moments I’ve faced came when I lost what I thought was my lifelong career through the hurt and pain and brokenness in someone else’s life. Being falsely accused and publicly shamed and ridiculed isn’t what anyone wants to sign up for. Legal battles, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and what felt like a battle that would never end turned my life upside down. At the time, it felt like the ground was shifting beneath my feet and I would never regain my strength or balance again. I realized at this point just how much religion had done for me and how much I lacked relationship with God. I also come to understand the power of His grace and mercy and the depth of His love. Even though I never found it easy to accept, it was in His perfect timing, that God led me to something better—something that ignited a new passion and reminded me that He never wastes a detour. It was during this time I found out who He was. I discovered true purpose. I learned how to forgive and not just say it but mean it. I found compassion at a level I never thought possible. I learned that there’s not any place I can go that His love cannot reach. I learned the value of true friendship. I came to realize that all things are subject to His power and His will. Romans 8:28 has never meant more to me than in these moments: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” That truth has been my anchor. It has proven itself over and over again. I’ve never experienced a day that He has not been working His plan in my life.

Over the years, I’ve faced my share of criticism and been the subject of conversations that didn’t reflect my heart or character. I’ve made it into rooms I’ve never walked in by way of others speaking my name without me present. I’ve sat around dinner tables I’ve never been invited to due to being the subject of dinner conversation. I’ve had Facebook posts directed at me and opinions have been given more time than I can count. I’ve stood face to face in shock at the level of disconnect with those I thought had my back. I’ve overheard exactly what others have thought of me even though they wouldn’t have the courage to disclose it to me themselves. But even in all of these things, I’ve learned to lean on the beauty of true friendship—those who really know me, encourage me, and stand with me no matter what. Their presence has been a gift, and I don’t take it for granted. The phone calls and text messages of encouragement and long visits of deep conversation have come to matter more than ever before. Friendship has become such a gift.

I’m deeply thankful for the places I’ve traveled, the things I’ve seen and learned, and the countless conversations that have left a mark on my heart. I’ve stood in awe of God’s creation and witnessed His beauty in so many places. I have seen the depths of the Grand Canyon from the ground level and witnessed its vast expanse from the skies above. I’ve explored the oceans while scuba diving with the little fishies and soared with the birds from a hang glider. The clear water of the Caribbean is still my favorite and I’ll never forget the crisp air of Alaska. Disney remains at the top of my list of favorite places on earth. I’ve never not wanted to visit Washington D.C. and take one more tour and NYC is always going to be where I want to visit at Christmas time. Traveling has taught me more than I’ll ever be able to learn from a book, but there is not one destination that isn’t the perfect place to read a good book. My bags are packed and I’m ready for the next adventure.

Family means something different to everyone. I’ve learned that family can be those who you are related to but more often they are those who choose to relate to you. God has always surrounded me with those who choose to be my family and show His love in every way. I have been blessed with my very own family that I could not imagine life without. My wife—my rock, my encourager, my best friend, my balance, everything that I am not —means the world to me. Her love is one of the clearest reflections of God’s kindness in my life. My kids continue to be the greatest gift that I have ever gotten the privilege to have and I’m thankful for them in every way. Their love has been a light to me that I have relied on many days. And I could not be where I am today or who I am today without the love and guidance of my greatest examples which were my nanny and papa! The continuous support and abundance of love cannot ever be matched and will always be honored. I am still grateful for the love and guidance that I continue to receive from my biggest fan – my nanny! I will forever be thankful for the love and encouragement she gives and for the many many miles we have traveled together.

As I step into year 31, I do so with a heart full of expectation. I step into another year of adventure and celebration. I am making plans and setting goals. I am humbled at all that God has done throughout my life and I really do believe the best is still ahead. God has proven Himself faithful in every chapter so far, and I trust that He’s not finished writing this story. I have books to write, classes to teach, sermons to preach and songs to sing – but more than any of those things, I have moments to live and that’s what I will be doing for the next 365 days!

Despite anything that comes my way – I choose to live. No matter the criticisms that cross my path, I choose to love and regardless of the decisions that are made by those around me, I am going to choose to let them. I declare over my life nothing but what God’s Word says. It is my desire that I never forget where I started from. I pray that my heart always trusts in His plan and that I am always willing to make room for what He desires.

So here’s to 31—may it be marked by deeper purpose, greater joy, stronger faith, and even more opportunities to love deeper, serve humbly, and walk joyfully with God. May the next chapter be filled with prosperity and peace in ways that only God can provide. May every single moment that passes by be an opportunity to share God’s love with someone else and my all of my testimony continue to encourage others that He really does work ALL THINGS together for the good.

Here is to one more journey across the yard, Velcro shoes, and little yellow battery powered tractors… Here is to chapter 31….