Leadership: Eagles & Hippos

“There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud.” – Carl Sandburg

In chapter 3 of High Road Leadership, John Maxwell points out the dynamic that I believe exists in all of us at one point or another in our life. If we are not careful we can allow the eagle in all of us that rises up to do great things begin to use that elevated position to look down on others and begin to cast judgement on their actions while giving ourselves much more grace when it comes to our intentions.

When the other person takes a long time, they are slow.
When I take a long time, I am thorough.
When the other person doesn’t do it, they are lazy.
When I don’t do it, I’m busy.
When the other person doesn’t follow the rules, they are rude.
When I don’t follow the rules, I’m original.
When the other person gets ahead, they are lucky.
When I mange to get ahead, I’m smart and hardworking.
– John Maxwell, High Road Leadership

If you can read through that and say that you haven’t been there in your life or felt any of those things then this is probably not the blog for you and I invite you to come back later but for the rest of us, like myself included – I have found myself here more times than I really want to admit. We are always quick to talk about our eagle moments in life when we have arrived to the top and everything has gone so easy for us. We enjoy diving into all of those blessings that God has poured out over our life and how we have had rare opportunities or experiences that others would never even dream of. We love to talk about our talents, gifts, promotions, bonuses, accolades, and awards but what about the hippopotamus moments? Do we care to disclose those as much? Nah! Probably not!

First of all, it might be offensive to me to indicate that I have any sort of connection to a hippo, that is another blog for another day! The truth is that while we would rather only acknowledge our eagle moments in life, we have our days in life that we really hope no one ever knows about. We are not perfect and we have our shortcomings in life. We all do – rather you really want to admit it or not.

John writes that if we will stop to acknowledge the hippo in us then whenever we see someone else in the mud, we are more likely to relate to them. Instead of looking at the flaws in someone else and using them to cast judgement we use them to build connection with our own flaws. Part of taking the high road in leadership is being able to give grace to ourselves and to others as opposed to criticizing. I just want you to know that you are not better than anyone, no matter what you have done and what they have not done. We are all human.

Stuck In The Mud

What does it mean to be stuck in the mud? That question can be answered in a different way by all of us. In fact what some might considered mud might not even be dirt for someone else. The reality is that we all come into challenges with different perspectives since we have all had different experiences in life. I believe that is one of the most challenging parts of finding common ground with others since there are many places in our lives that others have not ever walked.

The conditions of what brings us the feeling of being stuck is in fact not what we should find common ground with but rather the reality of what we are experiencing in those moments that we are there. The mud in our life might be different but the impact it has on our mindset can be very similar. The mental trap of depression is one of the most common health conditions today in our nation. The depression and anxiety rates that we are experiencing today are at record numbers. It seems that those who find themselves stuck in the mud tend to view their hippo days far more often than their eagle days.

I want to encourage someone today that you do not have to stay stuck in the mud. We all have those days where we identify more with the hippo inside of us than we do the eagle that soars. I do not overlook the significant impact that battling depression and anxiety can have on us and so if you are reading this and have been battling this for far longer than you care to admit – I want to let you know that it is possible for you to be set free. I have been where you are on one level or another and no I might not have walked through what you have but I know what it feels like for the hardest decision of the day becomes getting out of the bed or not. I have fought the mental battles of feeling alone even in rooms full of people and wanting to fake it until I made it out just so nobody would strike up the dreaded conversation of what might be wrong with me.

One of the hardest and most life changing decisions that I ever had to make was accepting the reality that I had allowed myself to stay in the mud for far too long and that I needed professional and spiritual help. I am not an advocate for being placed on mental health medications because I do not believe that becoming dependent upon anything other than Christ is what we were meant for in this life, but I do acknowledge that there are times in our lives when we need to seek professional help so that we do not stay where we were not meant to be.

When I tell you that I was the eagle that flew with the best of them – this eagle could fly! I soared in so many areas of my life that it was recognizable to the people around me but then when I lost all sense of flight and found myself stuck in the mud, the last thing I wanted is for anyone to know that I could not fly anymore. I did everything I could to try and hide the fact that I was not strong, I was not okay, and broken had become my new normal. Yes, that means I did everything I could to hold it together while I still pushed myself to serve in the church and try to shine my light for others – just to come home and fall apart. I had developed a habit of living with a mask on – you can call it what it was – hypocrite – or hippo-crite! (That just came to me while writing this and I am not sure if it makes me laugh or makes me upset).

The High Road Leadership book is not just for those serving in leadership. The reason that I chose to write more on this book is because I find that there is so much truth in what it means to take the high road in life. We are NOT called or destined to take the low road or the mud if you will. We are destined to take the high road if we will allow ourselves to get out of the mud.

You Are Human – We All Are!

I know it sounds so basic but you should really understand that you are human – accept it, appreciate it, and learn to embrace it. That might seem a bit odd to say but so often it is the humanness part of ourselves that we tend to become the most discouraged in. We will embrace our gifts and talents but I came to let you know that those are not yours to begin with, you did nothing to deserve them, they were given to you by the God that loves you and created you to have them.

I want to share with you the 5 areas that are discussed in Chapter 3 of High Road Leadership – I am going to share with you what has already been written by John Maxwell and give some of my own insight into it as well.

1. See Yourself
2. Care For Yourself
3. Forgive Yourself
4. Laugh At Yourself
5. Believe In Yourself

See Yourself

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I was unaware of myself I would have laughed at you like I was the most confident person to ever walk this planet but I realized very quickly that I had way more hippo days than I did eagle days. Self awareness is one of the most important steps in accepting your sense of humanity. It begins with knowing who you are and loving that person! You were not created to have an identity crisis – in fact you were created in the image of God! (Genesis 1:26-27)

Self awareness brings you into the reality of your relationship with your creator. I am not talking about all of your eagle moments at church. I can promise you that if going to church meant anything for identity then I would have been an eagle scout. Self awareness has nothing to do with what you do but everything to do with what you know and believe about who you are and whose you are.

When you know who you are then you know your strengths and your weaknesses, you are aware of your thoughts and your feelings, and you do not doubt your core values. Those might sound simple but give it a try – write down all those things and chances are you will begin to waiver in some of them as your mind begins to give scenarios that give you situational identity. Situational identity is when you change something depending on who else is around and it happens far more often than we realize.

The reason that self awareness is so important is because if you cannot even see yourself then how do you expect to find empathy with anyone else? I believe that this is one reason so many people claim to be turned off by church people and it is because we have allowed ourselves to stand in positions of ministry with masks on that hide who we really are and those who claim church hurt have been given a false sense of what it means for us to shine a light. They have experienced far too many that claim to shine light but it cannot be seen because it is hidden away.

Care For Yourself

I want to encourage you to stop putting yourself last on the list while you are busying trying to tend to everyone else. You may think that it is admirable but in reality it is not wise at all. For some reason it has become “selfish” for us to practice self-care anymore. It is absolutely mind blowing to me at the amount of people who feel guilty for doing something for themselves at the expense of not being available for someone else.

You will not find anyone else that believes more in serving others. Discipleship is at the top of my list when it comes to ministering to others and teaching what God’s Word commands for us to do. However, we cannot allow for our service to others to become the way by which we neglect ourselves. You can never pour out what you do not have and if you are not careful then you will pour all of yourself out without being sure that you fill back up.

Self-compassion is not selfish, it is treating yourself with the same level of kindness and concern that you show those that you love. Start listening to yourself – your voice is far more important than those who are calling upon you. Stop silencing that inner voice that is saying “you wish” and “you would rather” – the truth is that as long as you limit the way you love yourself then you will limit the love that you are able to pour out to others. This is where we start to find those who love us with stipulations because they start to desire in return what they are not willing to give themselves.

I have a public service announcement, you won’t find me loving and serving beyond my limit of being filled up myself. I have been here too many days in my own life as well. The expectation that my service was more important than my sanity pushed me to resent serving and those I served. You deserve to be set free from that and allow yourself the pure joy of loving you! This means that even on those days when you identify more with the hippo – you do not criticize yourself but you begin to care for yourself because you know that you were not created to be in the mud. You were created to soar in this life.

Forgive Yourself

When you become self aware in your life and you are able to acknowledge all of the places that you fall short then you can begin to forgive yourself. You have permission to put those unrealistic standards away and stop using them to compare your life to. Perfectionism has become a way of life for so many (I can relate to this as well).

Psychologist Stephanie Harrison writes (paraphrased) that studies have shown an increase in perfectionism over the last two decades and it has a dangerous impact. Young people begin to have unrealistic standards for themselves as well as for those around them and that process of internalizing a standard of perfection negatively affects us all, but especially the younger generation. Those that experience perfectionism tendencies are more apt to become depressed, experience burn out, and ultimately become less productive than the previous generation. In this study there are also highlights that perfectionism is a leading cause of increased anxiety and depression among young people in the US, the UK and Canada” (p. 56)

I could truly expand in so many different ways on this. I have held myself to the unrealistic standard for so long that I still am challenged in my ability to accept those moments when I do fall short. One reason that I believe our society contributes to the expectation of perfectionism is that those we look to for spiritual guidance and wisdom have found themselves soaring like the eagles and never acknowledging the days that they feel like the hippo. We have placed ministers and spiritual leaders on a platform that appears to be elevated and un-reachable for those looking for guidance and so a false sense of failure is produced when all that has to happen is we remove the mask and invite our failures and flaws into the conversation.

If you are a minister or have any opportunity to lead others and you are reading this, please do not confuse high expectations with perfect ones. There has been a significant amount of damage done to so many that feel as if they will never measure up because at some point we have forgotten to remove the mask and teach from our own story instead of someone else’s. Do not ever miss a moment to share your humanity with those who are seeking your leadership in their life.

The reason that it is important we understand where we fall short and we do not hide those areas of our life is because it invites forgiveness to take place. Acknowledging the areas of our lives that we fall short and being able to forgive ourselves for them leads to our empathy being restored. Remember that without empathy for others you will never be effective in reaching them.

Laugh At Yourself

If there is one thing that I am going to do – I am going to laugh. Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” When you are able to forgive yourself for the areas that you are not perfect and have fallen short many times – you can start to get over yourself and invite laughter into your life.

Be so comfortable with yourself that you can laugh at yourself. This is the moments that I am internally telling myself over and over again to “relax” and realizing that everything does not have to be so serious because we all make mistakes. Everything does not have to be perfect all of the time – you can have moments where you feel like you really should not be given a license for a vehicle or be trusted with anyone else’s life much less your own because you tend to lose your cell phone with it in your hand.

I am letting you know that this is a work in progress area for me. I have yet to master the moments of knocking something over or spilling it everywhere and erupting into laughter as opposed to anger. There are times that I have to remind myself more than once that it is okay to have careless moments because everyone does – rather we admit it or not.

Laughing actually is good for you. Imagine that, the Bible said that it be like medicine and science indicates that it releases dopamine, increases blood flow, and strengthens the heart. Laughing also shifts your perspective to a more optimistic approach. We could certainly use more optimism in a world that embraces a pessimistic perspective. Take a moment to laugh it off next chance you get, even if everything in you says it’s not okay – in reality, it is!

Believe In Yourself

Well if you have made it this far into the blog then you are invested and I want to say how much I appreciate you taking the time to read this. The last thing that we need to embrace in our life is our ability to believe in ourselves. That is such a powerful question – what do you believe?

Maxwell indicates that combined with all of the other areas that are listed here – once you have embraced each one of those – then you are ready to reap the greatest internal benefit of acknowledging yourself and who you were created to be and you can begin cultivating confident humility.

Humility and confidence almost seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum – much like the eagle and the hippo. The truth is however that those we look up to most in our life – they embrace the areas of their life that they are most like the eagle and they do not hide the days when they are stuck in the mud like the hippo. They embrace their authentic truth about who they are and are unapologetically living it out every single day of their life. They do not have anything to prove and are not living to impress. They are confidently humble.

Having confidence but lacking humility breeds arrogance but having confidence with humility is being secure in your expertise and strengths while being able to admit your ignorance and weaknesses. There needs to be a balance in them together because humility without confidence creates debilitating doubt. When you are able to find balance between the eagle days and the hippo days – you will find that it allows you to believe in yourself without questioning your strategies. You begin to place yourself in a position to be a high road leader who treats others well and finds empathy with those you cross paths with along the way. You will see things from a new perspective on the days you soar high above your challenges and you will embrace empathy for the days that you identify more with the hippo being stuck in the mud.

Developing awareness has everything to do with becoming who God has created us to be. We are never supposed to live in such a way that we are unaware of ourselves. I want to encourage you to take a moment and sit with yourself, the one person that you should know the best out of anyone else and embrace who you are. Acknowledge the fact that you do not have all the answers, you cannot fix all of the problems and you do not check all of the boxes every single time. Stop seeking for affirmation from others and seek understanding from yourself. It might take some work, you might not be good at this, which could be why you have been avoiding it in the first place, but this is your moment to step into a new level of living. You are invited to take the high road, the road that is less traveled, and it leads to beautiful destinations that you were created for. Extend grace to yourself over and over again, you are going to need it! Seek wisdom from God our creator who understands every area of our life better than we do ourselves. His desire is for you to see all that He has created and all that He has taken and made new in your life.

The good news is that once you realize every area of your life and all of the places that you fall short and do not measure up then you start to become more aware of just how much love God has for you that even in your weakness, and failures, He continues to pour Himself out to you over and over again because of the love that He has for His children. You do not have to get it right every single day of your life to be accepted and loved by God, all you have to do is believe that in your humanity and sinful nature, He loved you still and poured Himself out by giving His Son to die for every single one of your sins and areas that you fall short. He continues to invite you into a deeper relationship with Him as you continue to discover who you are as His creation.

Others are ahead of us.
We are continually challenged.
Our focus is forward.
The atmosphere is affirming.
We are out of our comfort zone.
We wake up excited.
Failure is not our enemy.
Everyone is growing.
We desire change.
Growth is expected.
(J.Maxwell)